Fake Joke Newspaper Article NEW TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARRIVE AHEAD OF SCHEDULE

Fake/Joke Newspaper Article NEW TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARRIVE AHEAD OF SCHEDULE

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  • Product Description

     Hey! It's YOUR Bureaucracy at Work.

    Love it or Leave it.

    c-67.jpg

     Bureaucracy? Bureaucracy!

    Don't Even Get Us Started.

     

    Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us. 

     

     First man cited for not obeying new traffic signal

    New Traffic Lights Arrive Ahead of Schedule

    City Council in Uproar Due to Cost Overruns 

    Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)

    Seattle is the first city to receive and implement the newest state-of-the-art traffic signals. Eleven more are scheduled to be in place by the end of summer.

    The decision to purchase the units, costing roughly $213,000 each, has met with some criticism. "But overall," says City Councilman Bob Brown, "it's a positive step."

    The lights, manufactured by a Polish firm, are touted as being the best of the best.

    "These lights will save lives in intersections," argues Phil Blander, a member of the team hired by the City of Seattle to study the plausibility of the new controls. "Each lane of traffic will see three separate banks of lights. Each light in each bank is synchronized to show the same colors at the appropriate times, except for the turn-lanes, which will see two yellows always, then the pertinent red or green depending on conditions. It's a masterpiece of technology, really."

    But opponents cite numerous fatalities in test cities overseas, in which motorists were so confused by the ungainly array of changing lights, that they made inappropriate decisions and caused accidents. There have also been cases in which the lights malfunctioned, and displayed the wrong colors at the wrong times, causing more wrecks.

    "We deeply regret those instances," says City Councilman Earl Jones. "But when you want progress, when you want to make an omelet, you're going to have to break some eggs. This (new system) will be worth it in the long run."

    Drivers are already furious about the new contraptions. Casey Jones was the first to be ticketed for not obeying the light on 5th Ave.

    "I had no idea what to do!" fumed Jones. "I couldn't tell which light was mine. I couldn't tell if I was supposed to stop or go! And then they give me a $77 citation for running a red light! I don't think that cop could tell which light I was supposed to obey either! This is ridiculous!"

    Seattle authorities remain stalwart in their decision to implement the new signals.

    "We know what we're doing," commented one city council-woman. "The public just has to trust us."

    See 'City De-Criminalizes "Jay" Walking' Page D-5

     

    To create your own story from scratch,
    using your own main image, please
    click www.fakenewspaper.com instead of using this form.
     

     

    Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
    Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
    Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE 
    Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
    Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE

     

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