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Slacker? Slacker? Who's a Slacker?
We all know a slacker---or two. Give 'em the gift of love. Let 'em know they're noticed. Show 'em how much you care.
Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us.
Local man, Casey Jones awarded Kent's "Slacker of the Year".
Local Man Gets Coveted Slacker Award
Says He's Worked Hard for the Honor and Feels He Deserves It.
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
A Seattle employee for Hanson Inc. was awarded the city's first annual "Slacker Award" today. Casey Jones, a dock worker for a local warehouse, was chosen in a unanimous vote by friends, fellow employees, and, surprisingly, by the Kent City Council.
"We've never seen so many people pull together in such a concerted effort." Said Eileen Johnson, who worked on the nomination committee. "It was so refreshing to see so many of Kent's citizens utterly galvanized in this movement. We all wanted Casey to win. He was the natural choice. In fact," Ms. Johnson added, lowering her voice, "Casey was the only nominee."
When asked why the city decided to award the honor this year, the Mayor was quoted as saying, "Mr. Jones's level of commitment and his attendance record of late just seemed to call out to the community: 'I'm a slacker!
I'm the King of Slackers everywhere! Recognize me!' "Well," the Mayor went on, "we just couldn't ignore this man's accomplishment. It deserved attention and recognition, and that's what we're giving him."
Jones will be enjoying the fruits of his award soon. The city plans to have a gift certificate delivered to the Jones residence. Officially, it's contents were unknown; however this reporter has learned from reliable sources that Mr. Jones will be given a certificate for "Dinner for One at Burger World," (redeemable only at the Miami outlet).
Comments from the man's superiors at Hanson Inc. were less than gracious, with Mr. Jones's boss saying candidly, "I hope he chokes."
See SLACKERS, a sleazy new class of American, Page D-5
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Whole Size is a two-sheet, eight-page WHOLE newspaper WITH HEADLINE
Poster Size is HUGE, printed on stiffer poster stock; one page WITH HEADLINE
Small Size is SMALL -- roughly a 6 x 9 inch "Pocket Clipping" with NO HEADLINE
Tabloid is tabloid sized, smaller than the Enquirer; one sheet, two pages each WITH HEADLINE
Full size is one full page, NOT one full SHEET; it's an INSIDE half-sheet page with NO HEADLINE