Your Cousin Needs to Tell His Story
for the Betterment of Mankind..
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Not.
Article Text Below, Feel free to copy and make changes to the story you submit to us.
EMTs work to extricate organ from fan blades
Local Man Hospitalized After Fan Encounter of the Worst Kind
"I don't usually do things like this," claims man after trying to cool private parts in electric fan
Yourtown---- (NOTICE: Any names of towns, locations, people, institutions, etc., used in these sample fake newspaper stories, are purely fictional, chosen at random, and are not meant to portray or represent any real person, place or deed. Remember that no matter what name a writer chooses to use in any fictional story, there is a real person (or many persons) SOMEWHERE who have that exact name.)
Emergency response teams were called to the residence of Mr. Casey Jones today after his wife called 911 to report her husband was "stuck in a fan". 911 operators heard yelping in the background and quickly dispatched rescuers.
Paramedic John Brown reported that Jones was indeed stuck in a fan. At least part of him was. "Hey," said Jones, "it was hot. I just wanted to cool off. I never expected this to happen."
It seems the predicament started about 3 pm, during the hottest part of the day. Jones's wife had stepped out to do some shopping when Jones decided to avail himself of the cooling effects of a large house fan. "I don't know exactly how it happened," admitted Jones. "I think maybe the fan got a hold of some, you know, hair, and everything happened really fast after that. I think I blacked out."
Jones was treated at St. Mary's hospital for "significant injuries" requiring 24 stitches to his penis. Jones's wife commented, "He has a lot of explaining to do." Jones was cautioned by his doctor to refrain from sexual arousal of any kind for at least four to six weeks.
The fan could not be reached for comment.
City Struggles with Increase in Deviate Behavior Page D-3
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